is it a need for you to be that way because of me?

'till now, it is a trauma 4 me to let a piece of dust attached on the crown of ma heart. ma regret- that is from the deep of ma heart; not to let 'him'; an ajnabi for me( anyone could be ) to touch ma heart. kriing.. ma inbox was added with an sms.. it was from someone whose his phone no. has been saved in ma cell phone's phone book.. wise words, again!. an Istighfar automatically said in ma heart.. "Ya Rijaluddeen... please... don't do this to me... whoever you are, wherever you come from, please... i beg u... not to do this to me.. if u still acting this way, u'r such a cruel person! u hv 2 noe that ma heart is just 4 Him! Not 4 you! Come on ya Rijaluddeen! Stand and rise up! The world, the Ummah are counting on u! if you really2 want someone special in your life, take the unforbidden way for that! a million PLEASE from me... NO LOVE until 'AKAD!!